While I was walkin' down the beach one bright and sunny day
I saw a great big wooden box a-floatin' in the bay
I pulled it in and opened it up and much to my surprise
Oh, I discovered a ! ! !, right before my eyes
Oh, I discovered a ! ! !, right before my eyes

I picked it up and ran to town as happy as a king
I took it to a guy I knew who'd buy most anything
But this is what he hollered at me as I walked in his shop
"Oh, get out of here with that ! ! !, before I call a cop"
Oh, get out of here with that ! ! !, before I call a cop

I turned around and got right out, a-runnin' for my life
And then I took it home with me to give it to my wife
But this is what she hollered at me as I walked in the door
"Oh, get out of here with that ! ! !, and don't come back no more"
Oh get out of here with that ! ! !, and don't come back no more

[brief instrumental interlude]

I wandered all around the town until I chanced to meet
A hobo who was lookin' for a handout on the street
He said he'd take most any old thing, he was a desperate man
But when I showed him the ! ! !, he turned around and ran
Oh, when I showed him the ! ! !, he turned around and ran

I wandered on for many years a victim of my fate
Until one day I came upon St. Peter at the gate
And when I tried to take it inside he told me where to go
Get out of here with that ! ! !, and take it down below
Oh get out of here with that ! ! !, and take it down below

The moral of this story is: if you're out on the beach
And you should see a great big box, and it's within your reach
Don't ever stop and open it up, that's my advice to you
'cause you'll never get rid of the ! ! !, no matter what you do
Oh you'll never get rid of the ! ! !, no matter what you do.